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Imagine this scenario:

Work doesn’t feel satisfying. You don’t feel like you’ve been getting enough responsibility at work. You’d like to prove you’re capable of more, perhaps get a promotion. But you don’t say anything. You hope your boss will somehow magically understand and be the first to bring it up.

Or try this:

You’ve been interested in a certain someone for a long time. So far, you’ve been content to watch from afar. You find yourself wistfully thinking about how nice it would be if they noticed you if they said hello. You wait, silently, not far away and wonder if you’ll ever catch their eye.

If either of these scenarios sounds familiar, it might be you’re needing a substantial boost in your self-confidence. Confidence is what takes us from the world of wishful thinking over into action. Confidence starts a conversation. Confidence gives you the impetus to stand up and say what’s on your mind.

The problem with self-confidence is it tends to stem from your self-talk. What you tell yourself dictates how you’re feeling about yourself. If you’re constantly putting yourself down, you’re going to struggle with feeling confident enough to approach a difficult situation. After all, if you don’t like yourself, how can you expect the world to?

You can change these scenarios. You start with changing your self-talk in three easy steps.

Start Listening

When you really pay attention to what you’re saying you might be surprised. Most of us tune out the words we say most often because we’ve heard them so many times before. You might be amazed at just how negative some of those thoughts are.

Verify What’s True, and What Isn’t

The question then becomes, just which of these statements are true, and which ones aren’t. What evidence do you have of this? Don’t be afraid to become an investigator. For example, are you always late? Check and find out. Our minds are very good at blowing things out of proportion.

Rephrase What’s Being Said

If you don’t like the answers you’re getting in the previous step, it’s time to rephrase what you’re saying. Replace outright lies with positive truths. Turn statements around into questions that seek out solutions.

By being mindful of your self-talk, you’ll find your confidence growing exponentially. You’ll feel better about yourself, and more courageous in being able to express your feelings, with the expectation that someone else will want to listen to what you’re saying. After all, when you like you, how can anyone else resist?

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Changing Self Talk in 4 Steps

Cheryl Cyr August 31, 2021August 31, 2021

What if you were offered a coach who could see you through every tough challenge you faced? What if someone was always there with an encouraging word, to bolster your courage and build you up? Someone who knows you better than any other person in the world and still thinks you’re terrific? Someone who sees only the success you can be, and never brings up the past or criticizes unfairly?

Now, what if I told you this someone is already there, in your life, waiting to be heard? Sounds pretty good, doesn’t it? There’s only one catch: You have to drop the negativity and make your self-talk your ally, not your enemy.

Read on to discover 4 steps to do just that:

Pay Attention to the Dialogue
You can’t change what you don’t understand. The first step is to start paying attention to the things you tell yourself. What kinds of things are you saying? Are there pet phrases? Do you seem more negative after certain triggers? Where are the sticking points you come back to again and again?

Learn to Tune Things Out
By listening, we allow negativity free rent on space in our heads. It’s better just to acknowledge what’s being said and making the choice to not allow it to become part of who we are. The more you make a big deal out of it, the more you’re giving it room to grow. Instead tell yourself, “OK, this is there. Who cares?” You are not obligated to live in another persona negativety, or to take it on as your own.

Find Your Phrase
Here’s where you get to create your go-to phrase. Make it a good one, as you’re going to get a lot of mileage out of it. Even something simple like “You’ve got this” can pack a positive punch. Pick something that makes you feel good when you hear it. Insert this into your dialogue as needed.

Remind Yourself to Focus
The problem with negative self-talk is it’s so distracting. When you catch it happening, call yourself back to what you’re doing. If it helps, even saying the word “Focus” out loud can be helpful to get your attention back where it needs to be. There’s no room for negativity in that kind of concentration.

When we engage in positive self-talk, this inner dialogue becomes an ally like no other. You open yourself to growth and change. You discover a world of possibilities and as a result, accomplish more than you ever thought possible.

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Self talk yourself into a beautiful life

Cheryl CyrUpdated on August 31, 2021August 31, 2021

Has it ever felt like some people have all the luck? You know who I’m talking about. In every group, there’s someone who seems to have it all. They succeed in seemingly everything they attempt. They enjoy good health. Their relationships are more intimate and longer lasting. It’s no wonder these folks seem so positive all the time.

Have you considered you’re looking at them the wrong way around?

Oddly enough, people don’t tend to be optimists naturally. In fact, what you find out when you get to know one of these stellar successes better is that they succeed because they have a positive outlook, which stems from one simple facet of their personality: They all indulge in positive self-talk.

Positive self-talk is the impetus of optimism. Thankfully it can be learned. You start by following these four simple steps:

Check Your Dialogue
What are you saying? Everyone keeps up a fairly constant stream of self-talk. Start paying attention to the words you use. It might seem obvious, but if you want to induce positive self-talk, you need to drop the negative. Start by identifying the triggers. What negative words and phrases do you use most often? What positive words can you substitute? It might be you need to do some work to root out the more common culprits as frequently the most negative statements have roots outside yourself. When this happens, remind yourself the only opinion that truly counts is your own. What would you rather tell yourself instead?

Add Some Fun
It’s almost impossible to stay negative when you’re laughing. By looking for the humor in the situation, you change your entire attitude. Your outlook shifts, and you find yourself feeling more positive. Your self-talk shifts right along with it. You’ll find yourself laughing internally and feeling better about yourself.

Explore Optimism
Positive self-talk stems from an optimistic viewpoint. When you confront a new situation, look at how you react. Make a conscious effort to see the bright side of the situation. Assume the best-case scenario. This optimism carries into your self-talk. Start assuming the best about yourself as well.

Persist
Remember, practice makes perfect. You’re not going to succeed overnight. If you catch yourself thinking something rather negative, don’t fall into a blame spiral, thinking you’ve failed. Be easy on yourself, and simply remind yourself of something positive. If you need help remembering these steps, try posting affirmations where you see them frequently.

Positive Self-talk becomes a habit when you practice it daily. The more you hang in there and try, the more optimistic you’ll feel. Before you know it, you’re going to be one of those people you used to admire, and people will be looking up to you.

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Empower

Science of Self Talk

Cheryl CyrUpdated on August 31, 2021August 31, 2021

[et_pb_section fb_built=”1″ _builder_version=”4.10.5″ _module_preset=”default”][et_pb_row _builder_version=”4.10.5″ _module_preset=”default”][et_pb_column _builder_version=”4.10.5″ _module_preset=”default” type=”4_4″][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.10.5″ _module_preset=”default” hover_enabled=”0″ sticky_enabled=”0″]All the way back in 1937, Napoleon Hill was writing about the human mind. In his book, Think and Grow Rich, he set out the idea that success truly starts internally. According to this book, we can think ourselves rich by having the right mindset and following certain guidelines in regard to how we think about success, money, and our lives going forward.

Over the years, this concept has been revisited dozens of times. For a long time, the idea that our thoughts could affect our physical lives seemed almost a joke or wishful thinking. In more recent years, studies have shown there’s more to this line of thinking than was originally believed. Science has effectively proved positive self-talk (and in counterpart negative self-talk) affects both mental and physical health. Even more startling? Our success, growth, and development can all be attributed to how we think and the things we tell ourselves.

How does this work?

In a research study done at the University of North Carolina, various participants were asked to react to a variety of stimuli. The results were intriguing. It was shown over and over again that those who had a positive experience were able to see possibilities in a way that those who reacted to negative or even neutral situations could not. Positive influence was seen to lead to problem-solving and the ability to see choices in difficult situations.

Now think what happens when you apply this thinking to positive self-talk. You quickly discover individuals with the most upbeat inner dialogue will not only see possibilities but are more likely to engage in positive action. Here’s where you see a long-lasting effect of building new skill sets and compiling resources for future activity.

Even more important is how this impacts state of mind. Positive self-talk, and the long-lasting impact of being able to see the big picture, and then to develop the resources to make dreams a reality leads to even more important mental growth. The study further went on to show that the positive person is more likely to experience joy and contentment in their lives. In short, positive self-talk leads to happiness.

These studies are just the tip of the iceberg. But they demonstrate how our self-talk impacts every aspect of our lives. Keep this in mind the next time you catch yourself thinking you’re not able to accomplish something, or you start berating yourself for some mistake or another. Here’s where you need to stop and reword criticism into something constructive. Your future success depends on it.
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Uncategorized

Cheryl Cyr August 31, 2021August 31, 2021

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Parenting

Cheryl Cyr August 31, 2021August 31, 2021

Everyone wants to be a good parent, right? You love your kids. You want to be the best mom or dad you can for them. But if you’re like most people, you probably don’t feel prepared for the huge task that is parenting. There’s no ultimate ‘how to’ guide for being a parent. There’s no training, no diploma, no certification that gives you the skills you need before you take the job on.

Luckily parents are also noted for sharing information and experience! Here are some of the best tips to help you feel more fulfilled as a parent and enhance your own parenting experience.

Make your child’s self-esteem a priority
Your child will start to form their self-esteem, the estimation of themselves, right from their earliest days. You are the most important person in their life, and your word is law. Your behavior, your tone, your words shape their reality. You have the big responsibility of being the most important influence on their self-esteem, so choose kind words that show them how much you love them. Above all, let your child know that mistakes are part of what makes us human and have nothing to do with how much you love them or how good a person they are.

Focus on the positives
It’s easy to niggle or focus on your child’s ‘bad’ behavior. It can be harder to remember to catch them being good and to reward good behavior with hugs and praise. Model politeness and say thank you to your child. When you focus on something, you will get more of the same: if you expect your child to behave well, they will respond to that. If you expect naughtiness, they will rise to that expectation. So, choose what sort of behavior you want to encourage and focus on that.

Set clear boundaries
Children need to know where the limits are. They will only learn self-discipline and self-control if you help them. Having consistent, clear boundaries and consequences for breaching those boundaries will help your children learn what’s acceptable and what’s not.

Spend time with your kids
More than anything else, your children want to spend time with you and connect with you. Acting out and misbehaving is often a sign kids are trying to get your attention any way they can, even if it’s negative.

Special quality time is nice, but sharing household tasks, walking the dog, or just watching TV together are all good ways to just be with your kids.

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Stress

Improve You Life With Self Talk

Cheryl CyrUpdated on August 31, 2021August 31, 2021

Negative self-talk impacts your life in more ways than you can ever imagine. Without realizing it, we become our own worst enemies, stripping ourselves of self-confidence and peace of mind. Left unchecked, this lack of positivity in our lives can start affecting our health, leaving us worried and stressed, unable to relax.

Fixing it? This is actually easier than you think. It all starts with positive self-talk and following these six practical steps.

You start by catching yourself in the act. These three steps will put the brakes on negative self-talk before it can gain a foothold:

Write it Down
Keeping a journal is a great way to get a handle on what you’re thinking. Try writing down your impressions of the day before bed. This allows you to let go of feelings that might fester if allowed to run unchecked when you’re trying to sleep. Re-reading those entries later will give you a picture of just where you are. It might be you’ve been more negative lately than you thought.

Just Say “No”
When you catch the negative statements in your head, your job is to stop them before they form. The moment you recognize your self-talk shifting to something less than uplifting, you need to say ‘no’ to it immediately. Say the word “Stop” out loud if you need to.

Snap Back
Psychologists have advised this therapy for years to stop negative thoughts. You simply place a rubber band around your wrist (one that doesn’t fit too snug). Simply snap the rubber band whenever you have a negative thought. Eventually, you’ll find yourself stopping those thoughts automatically just to avoid the ‘punishment.’

Next, try following these three steps to put positive self-talk in action:

Tone it Down
What word can you change in the negative thought to take the sting out? Instead of ‘stupid’ perhaps you were ‘mistaken.’ Instead of ‘slow’ maybe you’re ‘thoughtful.’ By paying attention to your words you’ll automatically start shifting your self-talk to the more positive.

Switch Sides
Make a game of it. Every time you hear yourself making a statement in your head, ask yourself if you can somehow reword things to make your words neutral or even positive. See how many of these thoughts you can change.

Question Everything
Instead of listening to negative assumptions, turn them into questions. For example, “That’s impossible” can become “How can I make that possible?” Questions look for solutions while statements are already decisive.

By tracking what you do and acting with intention to change the situation, you’ll discover life looks different. You’re feeling more relaxed and can even embrace optimism. You start liking yourself a little more. It’s here where you start discovering the potential you’ve been holding all along.

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Live a Truly Fulfilling Life

Cheryl CyrUpdated on August 31, 2021August 29, 2021

People seem to spend a lot of time looking for the meaning of life, or at least how to live a happier, more fulfilling life. It’s easy to try and find contentment in buying bigger, better, more expensive things, from cars and homes to watches and designer handbags. But just collecting more and more stuff doesn’t make you happy. It makes you frustrated and dissatisfied. The answer to fulfillment is much simpler. It’s within your deepest self.

Here are some tips from the master of personal development and spirituality, Deepak Chopra.

Know yourself

Fulfillment lies in knowing yourself – the good and the bad – and accepting it. You are so much more than your job or your house or your relationships. The innermost you is full of potential. All you have to do is look beyond the externals, beyond the ego to discover your true purpose and blossom into your best you.
Tune into your innermost you

Meditation is the easiest way to cut through the noise of everyday life and really listen to your innermost you. Meditation carves out space where you are detached from the bustle and demands of your day. Even better, developing a regular meditation practice will help you cultivate inner peace and a new calmness that stays with you even outside your meditation session.

Choose clarity
People who are content and fulfilled in their life don’t have illusions about finding happiness in possessions. They know and accept their true selves, their strengths and weaknesses.
You can cultivate clarity by meditating on the fundamental soul questions: Who am I? What do I want? Why am I here? Think of the times in your life when you felt happy, useful, and purposeful. Think of how you felt during the process rather than the outcome.

Keep a journal to write down all the insights that come to you during meditation. The clarity you gain from these insights will help guide you in taking aligned action.

Live mindfully
You can integrate your new clarity and awareness into your regular daily activities by choosing to practice one-pointed awareness. This is simply taking one activity, which can be anything from washing the dishes to brushing your teeth, and giving it your full, focused attention. Don’t let your attention drift, just stay in the present moment and observe every aspect of this activity. This form of mindfulness meditation can have a powerful effect that helps to build your ‘present moment’ muscles.

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self help

Using Mindfulness

Cheryl CyrUpdated on August 31, 2021August 28, 2021

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How much are you focusing on today?

When we’re feeling negative, frequently it’s because we’re looking anywhere but where we are. Either our eyes are on the past and on the mistakes we’ve made and the opportunities we’ve missed, or we’re off worrying about the future, and what may or may not happen. We forget to live in the moment and embrace the space where we are right now. We’re not acting with mindfulness, and as a result, we’re missing out on a world of possibility.

Self-talk likewise can become sidetracked in the same way. The statements we tell ourselves typically focus on the things we’ve done wrong, or what we’re likely to screw up tomorrow. Our entire inner dialogue takes us down this road away from the current moment and off into the time machine of our mind where every time is on an equal level with ‘right now.’

This is where mindfulness becomes a powerful tool to tame negative self-talk. How?

Begin with Acceptance

You are where you are. End of story. Every person is a compilation of everything that’s come before, and every hope and dream for the future. They’re messy and complicated. Sometimes they do things they aren’t proud of, sometimes they do. Whatever the case, wherever you are right now is you. Embrace the person you are in this moment. There’s no need to dredge up the past nor fret about the future when you’re focused on the you in this moment. There is only acceptance in the here and now.

Be Open to Learning

Whatever happened before becomes a lesson to you. What did you discover about yourself? Start seeing every mistake as an opportunity to learn. Nothing more. There is no judgment, only the calm acceptance that this too was a building block for the you of today. Remind yourself of these lessons but allow no other thoughts to intrude.

Discover Flow

Embrace positive activities. Find the things you can get lost in, where everything seems to flow without awareness of the passage of time. These are the things you’re meant to do. Track the emotions as you engage in flow. What are the thoughts springing from these moments? Feel your confidence build, embrace the positivity of your inner dialogue. This is you at your finest.

Mindfulness is not hard to learn. It’s about awareness of being conscious of what’s here in front of you this moment. It’s about being aware of the you of the moment, and the things you’re discovering in this awareness. When you genuinely reach this state, you’ll find there’s no room for negativity at all. Just a more positive version of yourself, reflected in your contentment and the dialogue within yourself.

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Uncategorized

How To Physically, Mentally And Spiritually  Get Through Cancer Treatment

Cheryl CyrUpdated on August 29, 2021March 17, 2019

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Written by Scott Sanders

With a recorded 1,688,780 new cases in 2017, cancer continues to be the second-leading cause of death in the United States after heart disease. The good news is that the mortality rate has decreased over the past two years, while the five-year survival rate has increased by 20-24 percent (depending on race) over the past three decades. Along with any applicable innovations in cancer care, there are several steps one should take in an effort to boost their physical, mental and spiritual health during treatment.

Monitor your mental health
It’s key to have a grasp of your mental health in order to get through the physical aspect. Of course, when you’re scared, anxious, depressed and feeling awful, it can be difficult to embrace the “attitude is everything” mantra. To get around this mental roadblock, some psychologists suggest using The Athlete’s Way — eight tips that help with getting through a physical, mental, and spiritual challenge like cancer.

Mind over matter: Success relies more on your mind and spirit than your body.
Stay in the present tense: Do your best in the exact moment your living — don’t pressure yourself about what’s to come.
Annihilate self-doubt: Practice saying “I can” about everything you are experiencing feelings of doubt.
Personify adversity: Give cancer a nickname and then go tell it to get lost. Trash talking cancer in the third person is actually a popular coping method.
Embrace the love and goodwill of others: Love is perhaps the most powerful drug. It can get people through the darkest of moments, cancer included.
Adopt the theory of relativity: Once you hit rock bottom with your health, stay conscious of the moments when you’re feeling better.
Laughing and crying have the same release: Both emotional outlets are cathartic, though laughing can be a challenge during treatment. If the moment strikes, however, embrace it.
Happiness is a decision: Making a conscious effort to have a positive attitude is a job in itself, but remember that cynicism will drain your energy and make it easier to give up.

Take extra measures during chemo
One of the best things you can do for yourself while going through chemo is to try and retain as much normalcy in your life as possible, which includes partaking of usual hobbies and getting doctor-approved exercise and fresh air. Speaking of fresh air, you should also address the quality of the air inside your home, as it’s often not as clean as you’d think (a good MERV 8 air filter can help eliminate most of these pollutants from the indoor air). It’s also important to get plenty of rest and eat nutritious foods to ensure you’re getting enough protein and calories to make new, healthy cells that were destroyed during treatment.

Don’t dismiss spirituality
Studies have proven that spiritual wellness can aid in the success rate of a treatment program. It can increase feelings of hope; reduce anxiety, stress and anger; enhance the quality of life; and help with the trauma of diagnosis and treatment. Spiritual wellness is considered anything from practicing meditation and yoga to regular prayer or joining a support group through your church. If spirituality is important to you, be sure to address it with your care team or doctor so you can be connected to special advisors and/or pastoral staff.

Addiction prevention
Because opioids have a reputation for being addictive, many cancer patients aren’t getting the proper pain relief they need because they’re scared. However, doctors are aware that they need to make sure the patient understands the risk factors associated with overuse while instituting a multidisciplinary care program that can have safe and effective results.

Between the mental, physical and emotional side effects, there’s no one-size-fits-all approach to getting through cancer. Sometimes the mental aspect can be more trying than the physical. This is why it’s important to have a well-rounded treatment program that addresses your mind, body, and soul — even when you’re in remission.

Photo Credit: Pixabay

Scott Sanders of cancerwell.org

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